I miss calling you mine.

No matter how hard I pretend, I still miss you. I miss waking up to your texts. And waiting for your goodnight message. I miss your goofy jokes and your warm laughter. I miss having you at the end of a hard day. And talking to you and sharing every little thing. I miss your voice, your smile, that twinkle in your eyes. I miss fighting with you and then cuddling up to you. But most of all, I miss calling you mine.

No title.

When you love someone, someone you love. When they break your heart, it's the hardest thing you could ever go trough. And no matter how much time has passed, it never really goes away. You may think you're getting better, but the you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest. You fall apart, for the hundredth time. And you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. You love this person with all of your heart, even though you know, you shouldn't. They hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt. They stole your happiness. But yet, You still want them, and only them. Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but you know you don't want to. It upsets you that you might be moving on, because you promised you never would. And even if they broke all their promises, you want to keep yours. On top of that, you're terrified. Terrified of getting hurt again. But it's not like it matters anyway, at the end of the day you're still thinking about the person who has left you completely  broken. You don't want to miss them anymore. You don't want to love them anymore, but you know you always will.

I really wish I could say this to him.

When we broke up, I tried to move on. I tried asking other guys out, but I found every time I started hanging around with them, they weren't what I thought. I guess I set them up to where they were equal with you, yet they where nowhere close. And I miss you. I still love you, I may find it really hard to move on now but in time I will. I promise.

Talking to myself

Get over him. He's not even worth it. He is not worth your time of your tears. Yeah you loved him, I know that. And I know you just can't see yourself with anyone other than him, I get that. I've been there. But why should you spend all your time sitting at home, bawling your eyes out and wondering where he is and who he is with. Do you honestly think he is thinking about you? No. Sure it hurts, the fact that he is out there falling in and out of love with other girls. Yeah your gonna see him with one of his new girlfriends. Prepare yourself, cause straight up; it's gonna hurt. He will hold her a little closer and squeeze her hand a little tighter just because he knows your watching. He know it's killing you; that's why he will do it. Don't let him get to you because that, well that's exactly what he wants. Don't give him what he wants. He doesn't even deserve it. So what if he doesn't talk to you; do you honestly wanna be friends with an asshole like him anyways?! Thing is I know you still do. But give it time. Because all he would do is talk about his new girlfriend and just try and make you jealous. Do you really wanna hear that? No. Screw him and his girlfriend. He will be sorry. Trust me. When he finally sees you with some other guy who's not him. With that huge grin on your face and your boyfriend holding you close, he will realize how happy you are now. And how happy your boyfriend is because he has you; the girl of his dream. He will realize huge mistake he mad when he let you go, when he decided to choose her over you. When he decided he just did not love you the same. Trust me, he will be sorry. And don't you sit there thinking he won't be sorry I know you are. But I guarantee you now; He will be sorry. So don't go on spending your nights waiting for that one phone call you know your never gonna get. Or that IM you know he will never send you simply because he likes to ignore you. He like to pretend he does not see you online, he does it out of spite just because he knows it's killing you. When he walks past you in the hallways he is gonna look past you, but you need to know he will do that cause he knows somewhere inside you, it will hurt. I'm not gonna lie to you. It will hurt. It'll hurt a lot. But it will hurt even more when you see her name and how much he loves her in his profile. It's all gonna hurt. Knowing you're not the girl that's making him smile. Knowing your not the first person he thinks of when he wakes up and the last before he goes to sleep. Knowing your not the face on his background of his phone anymore. Knowing of he hasn't already he will delete the album of pictures of you he has on his laptop. Knowing you wont be spending every single moment possible with him. Knowing there's not gonna be no more late night phone calls arguing about who loves who the most. And you know what, today, tomorrow, next weeks, month from now; your phone will go off with a text message, you will instantly grab your phone, hoping it's him saying he wants to give your relationship another shot. But trust me; he's got to much pride. Even he want to be back with you, he wouldn't tell you. Your soon gonna realize he doesn't care about you anymore and he won't be the first person you call when your upset. He won't be the one to put that smile back on your face. And yeah! It's gonna hurt; it's gonna hurt a lot. But you know what you gonna do? Your gonna hold your head up. Your gonna show him your better than him and you don't need him in your life. Your gonna prove to him that he made the biggest mistake of his life letting you go and that you never really needed him anyways.

I kind of miss you, not as I miss you I like you, but I miss talking to you everyday like all everyday, spilling our emotions talking about music and our problems, everything. I just miss when we used talk, now it's like don't know each other anymore and it kind of hurts, even though we weren't anything, is still hurts knowing we've grown apart and it went by so quickly.

This is funny to me..

It's funny how all I used to do was try to forget the bed memories, but now that I've lost you, it's the good ones that hurt the most. It's funny how I literally felt my heart break but to you this was all lies and fake. It's funny when you walk past me and avoid just looking my way. It's funny how I'm dying inside, and you're totally okay. It's funny how you already found someone new, it's funny that I will never get over you. It's funny how cruel you can be, but the funniest part of all is how none of this is funny to me..

June 15, 2011.

Hey!

What a beautiful day!?!? Today after got a bunch of duit taruhan setelah FCB menang gue memutuskan untuk bersemedi di depan layar laptop. Karena, after that incident gue memutuskan untuk have a relationship with my laptop. *ciein dulu sampe tumpeh tumpeh* yeay!

Di post ini gue engga akan membahas tentang gue putus ya sudah lah lupakan, lagian itu sudah terjadi berabad-abad yang lalu. Uhm, mungkin kalian bakal menganggap kalo gue ini manusia purba yang keren. Karena.. There's no makhluk purba yang as cool as me. Yasudah lah gue pun tidak berniat untuk membuka kartu tentang sekeren apakah gue ini atau setangguh apakah cowo cewe yang baru putus ini. Okay, lupakan.

Ohya, talk about FCB bulan ini Puyol harus menjalani operasi lutut karena cedera. May God always bless my papa's partner. Uhm, Jersey for new season ain't bad also. Tapi, to be honest gue bosen liatnya. *oke sekarang kita sedang membicarakan jersey sebuah club nad. Not about what fashion trends are in*. Sip! Sekarang tentang duit taruhan. Untuk penutup season, 200rb sangatlah lumayan untuk 2x match hahahaha yang penting duit gue menebal lagi!!!

Randomly, gue pengen berbagi curhatan dan isi hati gue. Sebagai anak asrama yang tinggal jauh dari emak-babeh gue merasa bangga sekaligus terharu cap kaki badak kalo orang bilang 'wah kamu udah mandiri ya' dan rasanya gue pengen langsung bilang 'HI HI HI TQ' dengan imutnya. Dan menambahkan sedikit gurauan seperti 'LO GAK TAU AJA GIMANA BERATNYA HIDUP INI TANPA CINTA' dengan sebanyak-banyaknya. Oke gue ngaco. Karena, sekarang gue udah ngantuk tingkat dewa.

Ngantuk tingkat dewa itu semacam lo pengen tidur dengan para dewa-dewa(?) atau lo pengen tidur dengan vokalis dewa19(?). Tuhkan terbukti, orang se-ekhem-keren gue aja kalo ngantuk pasti kaconya level major. So, ya wajar aja kalo lo atau cowok lo yang engga sekeren gue bakal teler kalo ngantuk. Sip makin ngaco.

Pokoknya, intinya, gue-gak-akan-lagi-menggalaui-dia. Kecuali kepepet . Udah, yang penting itu gue keren dan gue akan tidur keren juga sekarang. Good night!


Xoxo, nadys.